Penis Envy

Let's face it, no matter how you look at it or how majestic we may think ours is, the penis itself is less than a serious looking part of the body. If anything it is down right goofy looking. Sort of like the good Lord above had 10 minutes left to his shift and he had Peter telling him to come on already because he had cold water all set to be turned into beer in the car. (I realize A LOT of what I just said there was really, really wrong!) I grew up Catholic, we didn't read the Bible we read the Cliffs Notes otherwise known as the Gospel or just the pamphlet after our half hour sit/ stand/ kneel workout topped off with handshakes, wine and crackers. A penis is still a penis no matter how you look at it or what you call it. However we have compiled this list of euphemisms. That way when you do call for it, at least it will make you giggle.
 

 

 

Action Jackson

Alabama Black Snake
Albino Asparagus
Atomic Turtle
Baloney Pony
Baloney Baton
Bat and Balls
Bed Snake
Boney Macaroni
Beef Bayonet
The Big Dipper




Big Jake the One-Eyed Snake
The Blue-Veined Aristocrat
Bushwhacker
Buster Hymen
Captain Winky
Cave Hunter
Custard Launcher
Cervix Crusader
Chicksicle
Chief of Staff
Clam Digger
Clam Hammer
Cock-a-saurus Rex
Cocktapus


Count Schlongula

Crotch Cannon

Crotch Rocket

Crotch Vomiter

Cupid’s Arrow

Dangling participle

The Dicktator

Disco Stick

Dr. Feel Good

Dora the Explorer

Earthworm Jim

Easy Rider

El Presidente

Elmer the Glue Shooter

Energizer Bunny

Everlasting Gob Dropper

Excalibur

Fat Albert

Flesh Flute

Frank n’ Beans

Fuck Puppet

Gash Mallet

George… I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him.

Georgia Kingsnake

The Giving Tree

Grabthar’s hammer

 

Hairy Houdini

Hanging Chad

Hank and the twins

Happy Harry Hard-on

He Who Must be Obeyed

Heat Seeking Moisture Missile

Herman von Longschlongenstein

Ho Wrecker

Hyman Buster

Ivan the Terrible

Jimmy Wriggler

Just-in Beaver

Kaptain Kielbasa

Kidney Scraper

King Dingaling

King Dong

Knobgoblin

Lance of Love

Lap Lizard

Lap Rocket

Lewinski Lunch

Lincoln Log

Little Elvis

Long Dong Silver

Longrod Von Hugedong

Lord Hardwick

Love Shaft

Moby Dick

Meat Scepter
Mr. Happy
Mr. Wang and the Ping Pong Boys
Mr. Sniffles
Muff Marauder
Mutton Dagger
My Little Poney
One-eyed trouser trout
Otis Deepthroatis
Pleasure Pump
Porridge Gun
Prince Everhard of the Netherlands
Puff the One-Eyed Dragon
Purple Helmeted Warrior of Love
Purple Headed Love Soldier
Python of Love
Richard and the Twins
Rumpleforeskin
Russel the One-Eyed Muscle

Sergeant Stiffy

Sex Pistol

Sludge Pump

Spam Javelin

Spanky

Sperminator

Spitting Cobra

Tan Banana

Taco Inspector

Telescope Of Love

The Bone Ranger

Thrill Drill

Tonsil Tickler

Trouser Snake

Twig and Berries

Tummy Banana

Tuna Torpedo

Uncle Reamus

Vaginal Depth Detector

Vagina Miner

Vomit Rod

Veinous Maximus

Vlad the Impaler

Wally the one-eyed wonder wiener

Weapon of Ass Destruction

Wedding Wrecker

Whore Thermometer

Wee Willy Winkie

Womb broom

Womb Raider

Woody Womb Pecker

Yogurt Slinger

Zipper ripper