Swing Club/ Party: Frequently Asked Questions

New swingers send me emails all the time with questions about swingers clubs and parties. Getting ready to go for the first time can be a nerve wracking experience. 

If you have questions about going to a swinger club for the first time, you might find your answers here. These are the most common questions I get about swinger clubs from people who have never been before:

What should I wear?

Dress so that you feel confident and sexy, but don’t wear your finest or most coveted clothing. Since you’ve never been here before, you don’t know where your clothes might end up. Many of the parties have themes to their night such as naughty school girl, pimps and ho's or little black dresses. So this could help with the what to wear dilemma. Also, dress to undress. Don’t wear something that’s complicated to take off (unless that’s a fun form of foreplay to you) and put back on.

Guys: if the theme is angled at the women, dress in something casual but clean. I usually go with a nice pair of pants and a polo shirt. Do NOT overdo it with the cologne. 

What should I bring?

Be prepared. Whatever you need is up to you to bring. Condoms, lube, wipes, etc. I never go to a party without condoms, an extra pair of panties, a travel toothbrush, toothpaste, and small bottle of my favorite body wash. Sometimes I don’t use any of it, but I’d rather be ready for anything.

Parties especially house parties are BYOB and sometimes they ask you to bring a dish. Also if they ask you for a "party donation" or door fee be prepared with cash to make checking in easier. 

What is BYOB and BYOC?

Bring your own bottle (of alcohol, usually, but non-alcoholic is fine too!) Usually when you check in at the door, your bottle is marked with a number or with your first name and given to the bartender. Throughout the night, you can go to the bar and ask the bartender to pour you a drink from your bottle. Make sure you bring cash to tip the bartender. At house parties it just means you pour your own drinks. Be careful as you are unsupervised in your pouring. Too much alcohol could leave you unable to perform or worse. 

BYOC = Bring your own condoms. Something I highly suggest anyway. Parties that supply rubbers have no idea what you are packing for trouser trout. Therefore you will be dealing with the "bowl of misfit condoms. Usually they buy a 100 pack of assorted body bags for $6 off the internet. Bringing your own means you won't have to worry about having to take time figuring what works best for you and just enjoy the moment. 

What is the best way to meet people online or at a club? 

Every club/party is different. Make sure your expectations aren’t too specific. Expect to have fun, but remember that it’s up to you to have a good time no matter what happens. Make efforts to meet people and chat with them. Don’t just sit by yourself and wait for others to approach you.

What is the best way to approach people?

The way you act when you meet a stranger in any other public setting should be the way you act at a swinger club or party. Don’t start a graphic or explicit conversation about sex immediately. Even though you’ll be in a sexually charged environment, not everyone who is there wants to have a sexual conversation with you.

What if someone approaches us and we are not interested? 

It’s perfectly acceptable to politely decline anyone for any reason at a swinger club. A simple “no thank you” or a polite “maybe another time” or a “thanks, but no thanks” is appropriate. If someone is making you uncomfortable, let them know. If they continue to make you uncomfortable, alert security or a staff member. From my experience, most people are respectful at swinger clubs and those who aren’t are warned or asked to leave immediately.

Also a good idea is to have a non-verbal or verbal signal to your other half. For instance if one of you is not interested in the other party a light squeeze on the arm tells your partner it is time to bow out gracefully. Sometimes I use "pineapple juice" in a sentence and this makes for a easy and graceful get-away. For example: This drink could use a bit of pineapple juice. Then we can excuse ourselves from the conversation to head to the bar. 

Is it mandatory to play?

No, in most cases you can come and play or just watch. Some of the hottest times I have had come after we went to a party and didn't play there but instead waited till we got home or maybe a stop along the highway... With that said be sure to know the type of party you are going to. For instance, there was a party I knew of called "Naked by 9." Essentially all those staying at the party had to be completely naked by 9pm. They would ring a bell every 15 minutes to signal the removal of different articles of clothing till 9pm. If you refused to remove your clothes then you where asked to leave. So know what the party rules are before you head out for the night. 

What is a "Key Party"?

A swingers party where house or car keys of all the men are dropped into a bowl and mixed up with all the women picking a key from the bowl to determine who plays with who. Other variations are lock and key parties where all the women get a lock and all the men get a key. Find the woman whos lock is unlocked by your key and that is your pair for the night. Key parties where a bit more common in the 70's and 80's then they are now.

What if I see someone there that I know?

First of all don't be rude, say hi! Even better you just found out you have something in common.  Whatever happens at the party stays at the party. Be cool! Don't bring it up in mixed company. Just because you have no problem being an open book doesn't mean that everyone is. Always air on the side of discretion. 

I'm not a Barbie/ Ken doll model looking. Is everyone a perfect 10? 

No one enjoys a Barbie or Ken doll they are missing all the fun parts! People of all shapes, ages and sizes go to parties. I like to say that there is someone for everyone. What you might think is a perfect 10, others might see as a 2. Go with confidence (it's always sexy!)

What generally happens at these parties/ clubs?

I like to tell people it's a lot like any normal party in some ways. People dress sexy, have drinks, dance (sometimes there is a DJ), socialize and play games. Then every so often people slip off to go play or just decide to get naked for no reason and jump in the hot tub. 

What if I feel someone is being to aggressive?

I would first let them know nicely it's time to pump their brakes. If that doesn't work find the host of the party immediately and let them know. Being a guest at a party you are not the one that should be handling this. However if they are being aggressive or belligerent with you then the possibility is high that they are doing it to others as well. So don't see yourself as a "snitch" if anything look at yourself as a savior. 

What is the difference between Soft/ Hard Swap and same room? 

Soft Swap: When you swap partners with another couple for oral only. 

Hard Swap: When you swap partners and penetration is on the menu. 

Same Room: When you share a room with another couple without swapping. 

I want to have a 3-some with my significant other and a single woman only. Will this happen?

It could... However chances are slim. The reason they call single women at a swing party is that they are extremely rare to non-existent. I would probably point you to the internet to set something up instead because you will more than likely be disappointed at a party/ club. 

Also if you are concerned about the male to female ratio be sure to contact the host they would much rather tell you the truth than to have you come be a wet blanket. Most parties with words like "insatiable" or "non-gender balanced" means it is highly likely that you are walking into a sausage-fest. 

If you have any other questions feel free to email me and I will gladly answer them for you! theweekendsinner@yahoo.com

1st Time with Another Woman

It really has not been that long since the first time I ever had sex with another woman. I had never thought of it as revolting or anything like that. And in fact by the time I first did it I had fantasized about it and actually once made an attempt at it.

Right after college I rented an apartment in New Orleans with one of my three closest friends, Rhonda, a sorority sister from college. Our next door neighbors was a lesbian couple close to our age. Rhonda and I became good friends with them and we hung out together some. Both of the next door lesbians were very pretty, one especially. And Rhonda and I thought it might be fun to experiment with each other.

So one night when Rhonda and I had been drinking we thought we would try lesbian sex. We started to kiss but really couldn’t pull it off, both ending up laughing so hard. We decided that we were just like sisters so any attempt between us just wouldn’t work.

There were no other opportunities over the next couple of years as I was involved with one guy after another. Then my boyfriend at the time asked me to go to this lake house for weekend with some other couples he knew. I had met one of the couples and liked them. He and I had just started a sexual relationship and they all planned to do some water skiing which I love to do, so I accepted.

There were two other couples, one of which was married, and we all settled our things into our rooms once we arrived, cooked steaks on the grill for dinner and then went for an evening boat ride, and drinking several glasses of wine out on the lake. We had a good time and a lot of laughs boating and finally returned to the house where the men took up to drinking Scotch and smoking cigars out on the deck that overlooked the water. And we ladies sat inside drinking more wine talking and getting to know one another better.

The wine followed by the scotch had the boys ready to sack out before long and it was just us girls, Wynona, who was married, Lydia and myself. Lydia soon was ready to doze off and joined her boyfriend in their bedroom leaving just me and Wynona still sitting in the den talking. Wynona was very pretty, strawberry blond, sexy figure and twenty-seven years old, two years older than me at the time.

I was enthralled with her life story. She had put herself through college as a stripper and told me about a serious lesbian girlfriend she had in those days before she met her husband. I was very tipsy by this time and told her that I had never been with another woman but had fantasized about it. She seemed to be very inquisitive about that. Wynona told me how pretty and sexy she thought I was and I told her that she was too.

In a few minutes she softly took my hand and said, “Girl, come with me.”

I allowed Wynona to take my hand and lead me down stairs where there was one empty bedroom. She eased the door closed behind us and stood with her big blue eyes inches from mine. At that moment I felt so attracted to her. Within seconds we found ourselves in a deep passionate kiss. Our tongues were intertwined in a playful erotic duel. Her hands caressing my face and her fingers then running through my hair. I was so excited and nervous, feeling extreme sexual arousal.

Wynona pulled me over to the bed and we lay down next to each other still embraced in passionate deep kisses. I felt her fingers unbuttoning my blouse and I said, “I can get that.”

I quickly unbuttoned my blouse and removed my bra as Wynona did the same and then she stood up and pulled her shorts and panties off. I watched nervously as her little trim blondish red patch appeared. My heart was racing! Then I started removing my shorts and panties nervous about what she thought of me naked.


I was completely shaved at the time and Wynona looked at me with a seductive little sexy smile and said, “mmmm I love a sweet little bare beaver!” She wrinkled her nose in a little cute laugh and pulled me to her and we kissed.

Still kissing we were squeezing and pinching each other’s nipples as our hands both wandered south. Finally her fingers reached my pussy and perfectly surrounded my clit and slid up and down my wet labia. My hand found its way to Wynona’s pussy. She was very wet like me. After a few minutes using our fingers for pleasurable foreplay Wynona made her way down my body, first kissing my neck then my breasts slowly down my belly until her soft sensual mouth found my clit.

Wynona’s tongue worked miracles as she flicked it back and forth on and around my clit, sucked and licked my now extremely wet labia. She used her fingers spreading my labia apart while her tongue made wonderful love to me. I soon found myself having an incredible orgasm that seemed to go on for minutes. Then I knew it was my turn to return the favor to Wynona as she rolled over on her back for me to pleasure her.

I kissed her soft lips tasting my own pussy on her lips and tongue. Next I kissed down her neck, sucked her erect nipples and fondled them, then let my tongue slowly slide down her belly, all the time keeping my eyes on her facial expressions which denoted pure pleasure. This was my first time making love to another woman and I found myself enthralled with erotic excitement. Finally my tongue reached Wynona’s pussy. As I started to lick her I savored this first taste of another woman’s pussy. I was familiar with the taste of mine from wetting my fingers during masturbation many times but now my tongue was licking another woman’s labia.

I started slowly licking around her clit, teasing it, licking at it with my tongue then found myself licking her all over and teasing, pleasuring her clit. I spread her labia apart and licked her. She was so wet my lips, mouth, chin and fingers were covered in her love juices. I noticed that Wynona was squeezing her own nipples and using one hand to pull at her own hair as she moaned and twisted while I licked at her. I kept licking and working my tongue around her clit until finally she spasmed and started to orgasm. I so enjoyed watching her squirm during that the first orgasm I ever gave to another woman.

We then lay cuddled together in silence on that bed for several minutes. I finally told Wynona that we better get up before we fall asleep and the others find us naked cuddled up on the bed in the morning. Wynona laughed and agreed. So we quietly left and went to our bedrooms. I found my boyfriend sound asleep slightly snoring and crawled into bed with him.

In the morning My boyfriend and I enjoyed a quickie fuck before joining the others for breakfast and a day of boating, skiing and drinking on the lake. Wynona and I didn’t have a chance for another get together that weekend but since we lived in the same city we had a few “girls night out drinking parties” that resulted in discreet encounters over the next year until her husband got a great new job opportunity and they moved several hours away.