Swing Club/ Party: Frequently Asked Questions

New swingers send me emails all the time with questions about swingers clubs and parties. Getting ready to go for the first time can be a nerve wracking experience. 

If you have questions about going to a swinger club for the first time, you might find your answers here. These are the most common questions I get about swinger clubs from people who have never been before:

What should I wear?

Dress so that you feel confident and sexy, but don’t wear your finest or most coveted clothing. Since you’ve never been here before, you don’t know where your clothes might end up. Many of the parties have themes to their night such as naughty school girl, pimps and ho's or little black dresses. So this could help with the what to wear dilemma. Also, dress to undress. Don’t wear something that’s complicated to take off (unless that’s a fun form of foreplay to you) and put back on.

Guys: if the theme is angled at the women, dress in something casual but clean. I usually go with a nice pair of pants and a polo shirt. Do NOT overdo it with the cologne. 

What should I bring?

Be prepared. Whatever you need is up to you to bring. Condoms, lube, wipes, etc. I never go to a party without condoms, an extra pair of panties, a travel toothbrush, toothpaste, and small bottle of my favorite body wash. Sometimes I don’t use any of it, but I’d rather be ready for anything.

Parties especially house parties are BYOB and sometimes they ask you to bring a dish. Also if they ask you for a "party donation" or door fee be prepared with cash to make checking in easier. 

What is BYOB and BYOC?

Bring your own bottle (of alcohol, usually, but non-alcoholic is fine too!) Usually when you check in at the door, your bottle is marked with a number or with your first name and given to the bartender. Throughout the night, you can go to the bar and ask the bartender to pour you a drink from your bottle. Make sure you bring cash to tip the bartender. At house parties it just means you pour your own drinks. Be careful as you are unsupervised in your pouring. Too much alcohol could leave you unable to perform or worse. 

BYOC = Bring your own condoms. Something I highly suggest anyway. Parties that supply rubbers have no idea what you are packing for trouser trout. Therefore you will be dealing with the "bowl of misfit condoms. Usually they buy a 100 pack of assorted body bags for $6 off the internet. Bringing your own means you won't have to worry about having to take time figuring what works best for you and just enjoy the moment. 

What is the best way to meet people online or at a club? 

Every club/party is different. Make sure your expectations aren’t too specific. Expect to have fun, but remember that it’s up to you to have a good time no matter what happens. Make efforts to meet people and chat with them. Don’t just sit by yourself and wait for others to approach you.

What is the best way to approach people?

The way you act when you meet a stranger in any other public setting should be the way you act at a swinger club or party. Don’t start a graphic or explicit conversation about sex immediately. Even though you’ll be in a sexually charged environment, not everyone who is there wants to have a sexual conversation with you.

What if someone approaches us and we are not interested? 

It’s perfectly acceptable to politely decline anyone for any reason at a swinger club. A simple “no thank you” or a polite “maybe another time” or a “thanks, but no thanks” is appropriate. If someone is making you uncomfortable, let them know. If they continue to make you uncomfortable, alert security or a staff member. From my experience, most people are respectful at swinger clubs and those who aren’t are warned or asked to leave immediately.

Also a good idea is to have a non-verbal or verbal signal to your other half. For instance if one of you is not interested in the other party a light squeeze on the arm tells your partner it is time to bow out gracefully. Sometimes I use "pineapple juice" in a sentence and this makes for a easy and graceful get-away. For example: This drink could use a bit of pineapple juice. Then we can excuse ourselves from the conversation to head to the bar. 

Is it mandatory to play?

No, in most cases you can come and play or just watch. Some of the hottest times I have had come after we went to a party and didn't play there but instead waited till we got home or maybe a stop along the highway... With that said be sure to know the type of party you are going to. For instance, there was a party I knew of called "Naked by 9." Essentially all those staying at the party had to be completely naked by 9pm. They would ring a bell every 15 minutes to signal the removal of different articles of clothing till 9pm. If you refused to remove your clothes then you where asked to leave. So know what the party rules are before you head out for the night. 

What is a "Key Party"?

A swingers party where house or car keys of all the men are dropped into a bowl and mixed up with all the women picking a key from the bowl to determine who plays with who. Other variations are lock and key parties where all the women get a lock and all the men get a key. Find the woman whos lock is unlocked by your key and that is your pair for the night. Key parties where a bit more common in the 70's and 80's then they are now.

What if I see someone there that I know?

First of all don't be rude, say hi! Even better you just found out you have something in common.  Whatever happens at the party stays at the party. Be cool! Don't bring it up in mixed company. Just because you have no problem being an open book doesn't mean that everyone is. Always air on the side of discretion. 

I'm not a Barbie/ Ken doll model looking. Is everyone a perfect 10? 

No one enjoys a Barbie or Ken doll they are missing all the fun parts! People of all shapes, ages and sizes go to parties. I like to say that there is someone for everyone. What you might think is a perfect 10, others might see as a 2. Go with confidence (it's always sexy!)

What generally happens at these parties/ clubs?

I like to tell people it's a lot like any normal party in some ways. People dress sexy, have drinks, dance (sometimes there is a DJ), socialize and play games. Then every so often people slip off to go play or just decide to get naked for no reason and jump in the hot tub. 

What if I feel someone is being to aggressive?

I would first let them know nicely it's time to pump their brakes. If that doesn't work find the host of the party immediately and let them know. Being a guest at a party you are not the one that should be handling this. However if they are being aggressive or belligerent with you then the possibility is high that they are doing it to others as well. So don't see yourself as a "snitch" if anything look at yourself as a savior. 

What is the difference between Soft/ Hard Swap and same room? 

Soft Swap: When you swap partners with another couple for oral only. 

Hard Swap: When you swap partners and penetration is on the menu. 

Same Room: When you share a room with another couple without swapping. 

I want to have a 3-some with my significant other and a single woman only. Will this happen?

It could... However chances are slim. The reason they call single women at a swing party is that they are extremely rare to non-existent. I would probably point you to the internet to set something up instead because you will more than likely be disappointed at a party/ club. 

Also if you are concerned about the male to female ratio be sure to contact the host they would much rather tell you the truth than to have you come be a wet blanket. Most parties with words like "insatiable" or "non-gender balanced" means it is highly likely that you are walking into a sausage-fest. 

If you have any other questions feel free to email me and I will gladly answer them for you! theweekendsinner@yahoo.com