Focus on Fetish: Be My Baby

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Our First Swingers Party

 "Worst case scenario, we just have sex with each other," Jonas said, shrugging into his jacket. "That's hardly a bad thing." I nodded and zipped up the boots a friend had christened "lying down shoes." We were on our way to our first swinger's party.

 

A month earlier, Jonas and I went to my first public sex party. It was hosted at a well-established venue in the Mission. And, when Jonas suggested it, I was intrigued. I'd once been to a kinky "play party" at a friend-of-a-friend's, where we joined a solemn group sipping cocktails and watching someone get spanked. I'd also attended an acquaintance's graduation party that developed into make outs and frottage, but since it was in Los Angeles, everyone was more preoccupied with getting their pictures taken in the resident photo booth than in getting sexy.

 

When Jonas brought up the sex party, named "Pink," we hadn't actually been dating for very long. Despite being long distance, we both fell fast and hard. He has a knack for emotional self-awareness, and we spent a lot of time unpacking our feelings and clarifying our intentions. All of this conversation meant both of us were very comfortable with the sturdiness of our relationship. And we were interested in maybe trying out some of the fun things we'd never been able to do with anyone else. When we first talked about wanting to see what it was like to have sex with an audience, both of us dismissed it as a fantasy. But, then he found out about Pink and asked if I wanted to go.

"Do I have to have sex with other people?" I asked, uncertainly.

 

Nope. The venue prided itself on being safe, sane, and consensual, and most people went to the party with a partner. It was kind of like the adult version of the make out room at a high school party: dark, provocative bass music, and shadowy couples feeling each other up. Unlike the make out room, though, these couples would be over 18 and not under blankets. We pre-registered.

When we arrived, we wandered through the various rooms. Most of them were sparsely populated, although a few featured couples kissing. "Let's get a drink," Jonas said. We hung around chatting with other people in the bar area and people watching. Neither Jonas nor I was feeling moved to hurl ourselves onto a flat surface and start pashing, but we stole kisses in between sips from our red plastic cups.

 

Eventually, we moved to the largest room: wall-to-wall mattresses. It was well-populated with couples, some of whom were vigorously enjoying each other's company. I felt a little shy as I leaned against the wainscotting. These couples were not the kind you saw in mainstream porn: They were all sizes, all ages, and all hair levels. They were enthusiastic and exuberant. One woman unwrapped her legs from one partner, who wandered, naked, out the door in search of the bathroom, and motioned another man towards her, giggling. There was a lot of giggling, actually. People were definitely having sex, and they were definitely enjoying themselves. That alone was pretty fun, so we started kissing, which led to some groping, which led to a strategic retreat to one of the mattresses (after first carefully laying down a provided towel). By the end of the evening, all of our shyness had disappeared.

 

We debriefed afterwards. "That was fun," I said. "I feel like we just did what we would do at home, only in a room full of other people," Jonas said. "I expected it to be a lot porn-ier," I noted. "But, that just felt like having sex around a bunch of PTA members."

 

A few weeks later, he sent me an email. "What do you think about a swingers party?"

My sole exposure to swingers was through the 1995 film The Lifestyle, a documentary about the primarily Republican married couples who ran away to the redwoods to have orgies. Members of The Lifestyle were also notoriously homophobic: Although they tended to encourage bisexuality among women, male-on-male sex or even touching was frowned upon and often forbidden. "I feel like I'd get into a political argument and we'd be thrown out," I told Jonas.

"It's the Bay Area," he said. "How much arguing could there be? 'Are those condoms fair trade?' We can apply and see if they let us in."

 

This party had a filtering process that came down to whether or not they thought you were cute enough. That made me cranky with the organizers, because the pictures of other participants on the RSVP list were of quite conventionally attractive, mostly young white, people. When we were accepted, I told Jonas, "If anybody says anything racist, I am leaving." He nodded.

We were on our way to swinger-ville when I realized we'd completely forgotten to obey our confirmation email and carefully go over our limits. When I brought it up, Jonas said, "I don't really know what my limits are! How do I know how I'm going to feel about a situation until it comes up?"

"Yeah, I know," I said. "Maybe we should have a pre-arranged signal for yes, no, or maybe. Like an eyebrow wiggle." "Yeah!" Jonas said excitedly. "Or an umpire hand gesture!"

 

The first thing that became obvious was that half of the people there were extremely nervous. The door lady said, "There's a lot of first-timers here," and it was easy to pick them out. On one side of the room, you had groups of women in sparkly dresses and men in button-downs, chatting easily over their plastic cups. On the other, you had isolated couples, staring wildly around like trapped animals. Jonas and I immediately dubbed one area "the awkward couch" because there were three couples sitting rigidly next to each other, not talking, and staring straight ahead. I was minutes away from suggesting icebreaker games.

At around 12:30, suddenly, everything ramped into high gear. The couples who knew each other grabbed hands and headed to various rooms, where we could both hear and glimpse their playtime. The awkward couples started looking around with increasing desperation. "This always happens around now," the bartender said. "Everybody realizes there's only a couple of hours left."

 

We'd met a couple that we really liked; it was their first time too, and none of us had any idea how this worked. "We're just gonna go get a drink and then let's talk about it," they said, and then disappeared. We waited for an hour but they never came back; we found out later they'd been accidentally ejected from the party and gone home. We didn't really meet anyone else that we were interested in, and nobody was interested enough in us to say anything, so as the clock struck 1:00, we just went into a room and performed our "worst case scenario."

 

Of the two parties, Pink was my favorite: It was full of real people having a good time. Although I'm sure most of the swingers were very nice, everyone was too paralyzed with fear to talk with, let alone proposition, a stranger. And it felt a bit like a popularity contest. I'll take a good time over an awkward couch any day.

 

* Courtesy of refinery29.com

 

 

How to Take a Wicked Hot Selfie

Do not take a sexy selfie until you read THIS.
As a professional photographer, I'm disappointed with the state of the selfie, the "sexy selfie" in particular. With the sheer amount of "leaked" photos on the Internet, it's infuriating that we're raising the next generation to believe that terribly composed, naked iPhone photos are sexy. Nope. Not even a little.
For goodness sake, the nude photo used to be an ART FORM, but lately it seems we seem to have forgotten how truly sexy the human body can be in all its subtlety. (Lest I sound shame-y, I, too, have been guilty of the full face, full-on boob shot. And guess what? My husband never complained — and your husband/ wife / boyfriend / girlfriend / sex partner probably won't either.)
But after becoming more involved in boudoir and portrait photography, I discovered that there are many more exciting ways to increase the mystery of a nudie pic without simply flashing your rack - and GUESS WHAT? They're super-easy.
Follow these tips (illustrated with a little help from our pal, naked Barbie) and your sexy selfies won't just stand out, they'll practically moan with excitement.

1. If You Take It, Assume Everyone Will See It.
If your phone (or your lover's phone) ever goes missing, you'll want as little damning evidence on there as possible. If you send naked photos with both your face and nipples in plain view, you could very well end up in a Google search, a gross meme, terribly embarrassed, or all of the above. Same goes for identifying jewelry or tattoos. Proceed with caution!

2. Send Your Face Or Your Body, Not Both.
Go ahead and send a sexy pout with a suggestive bare shoulder, but if you're sending your bare butt or boobs leave any identifying parts of your face out. Besides, it's a lot of work to get a photo where your face AND butt look good (at least it is for me). And remember: a little mystery is sexy. Shadows on a collarbone can be infinitely more seductive than a straight-on tit shot. (Plus, if you can't be easily identified in your nude selfies, you have that much less to worry about after a messy breakup.

 

3. Do Not Send a Crotch Shot Unless Specifically Requested
Let's be honest, vaginas aren't exactly the prettiest thing in the world. Even if your face is as gorgeous as Megan Fox's, if your other "lips" are showing they're all the viewer is going to be able to focus on. (Same goes for your penis, fellas. Why must you insist on sending us junk shots? We'd much rather see a flexed bicep or that little dip at your hipbone.) Also, it's really strange when you leave your underwear bunched up around your knees. (Is that a fetish I'm unaware of?) It just looks lazy and weird.

 

 

4. Double-Check Your Background.
If a racy selfie of my daughter taken in a filthy bedroom hit the Internet, I'd be more furious about her negligent attention to detail than the photo itself. I don't care how hot you are - if you're a slob, it's gross. Is there trash on the floor behind you? A pile of dirty laundry in the background? White spots on the mirror? Pay attention to what's in your photo, because while YOU may be focused on your fierce face and excellent rack, WE can see the toilet, toddler, or trashcan in the background - and trust us, it ain't pretty.
 

 

 

5. Good Lighting Is Key.
If you're somewhere with excellent lighting, TAKE ADVANTAGE. Capture a few shots to send later on rather than using crappy fluorescent lighting at 10 p.m. when you're in the mood to send your lover a little something, something. Is it cheating? Perhaps, but unless your beloved asked you what you're wearing rightthissecond, a hot shot where you're glowing in the morning sun will keep your mate happy until they can see you again.

Lighting hints: Some of the best places to find good lighting are in hotel rooms during the day. White walls + white sheets = you will practically glow. Standing in front of a window is always better than standing in front of a lamp, although bright, direct sunlight can be a bit harsh. Try turning your phone's camera on yourself and walk around in front of different windows until you find a spot where you are evenly lit and your eyes sparkle.

 

6. Suck It In, Hold It Up (But Don't Make It Obvious)
Every girl knows the elbows under the boobs trick to make her cleavage pop. Most of us also know the right angles to make us look curvy where it matters and a little smaller where it doesn't. Here's the catch: no one should be able to tell that you're pushing stuff in or holding stuff up, it ruins the illusion. Even if you're terribly uncomfortable, no one will ever know you almost popped your hip out of joint to get the perfect curve as long as the photo looks good.

 

 

6. Duck face Is Out, Gasping Is In
Newsflash: The entire world is over duckface. No one can see that pose anymore without rolling their eyes. So what do you do with your mouth, then? Right before snapping your photo, quickly gasp the way you would during some good, old-fashioned lovemaking. Part your lips ever so slightly and as you inhale, heave those bosoms and think about how damn sexy you are. Works like a charm.

 

 

 

 

 *Courtesy of YourTango.com

 

 

 

 

My Dick

A couple more videos to make you laugh today... The weekend is almost here! Do you have any sinning planned?

 

 

 

Enjoy!

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Sinner Girl Trish: Sinning is what she does best!

Sinner Girl Trish from Northern Maine is back at it again! This time she stepped up her game and gave us a photo spread not to be forgotten! Say hello again to Trish!

 

 

 

 This is Trish...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trish is a good girl that likes to do bad, bad things...

And even more bad things...

 

 

 She tries each night to wash all those naughty sins away....

 

 

 

Scrub all you want...

 

 

 

But it is sooooo hard to completely clean ones self completely!!

Some habits just won't die!

 

 

Thanks Trish! Now please go back to sinning!

 It's what you're good at!

 

 

Bang!Bang! Bang!

I just want Bang! Bang! Bang!

 

 Enjoy!

What's in your Toy Box Part 2

We are starting to get a lot more entries in the what's in your toy box raffle. Here are our latest entries! We will be raffling off a HUGE adult toy basket courtesy of our new advertiser LoveHoney.com at the end of the month. All you have to do to enter is send a picture of your toy collection along with your first name and where you are from.
Good Luck!

Sinner Girl Mercy from Maine

keeps her collection simple and sexy.

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Tina from Boston likes to keep it organized.

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Kendra from Burlington has a nice 2 tier bedside table.

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Linda from New Haven loves the leather.

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Karen from Barre, VT feels pretty in pink.

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 A solid collection for Jenn in Maine

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Lots of colors and attachments for Sue from Bangor.

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Rachel from Nashua has a lot of options.

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Tanya in Brattleboro has a few choices.

 

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Brianna from Lowell likes her pet rabbits.

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Lea from Tilton keeps it clean after getting dirty!

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Tammy from Boston wanted to get in on the picture!

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Simone from Rhode Island has a sweet little drawer.

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Lorna from Maine says there is a lot more where this comes from!

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Keep all the great pictures coming ladies and gentlemen! You all have till the end of the month to enter the raffle.

Good Luck!