What's in a Name: Vagina

Like Dirty D and I spoke about in this weeks podcast. I never have been a fan of calling a woman's lady bits a Vagina. I realize that the V word is the scientific technical name and if you are hoping to have sex in a beaker then maybe the V word is for you. However for me, "Vagina" sounds like a cold, dark, hostile prison. Don't get me wrong for some this is very true. However for me I prefer to just call it a little something different. If you are like me, then here are a few different names you could maybe use instead...

Common words that are often used to describe the vagina.

1.   Cunt
2.   Pussy
3.   Twat
4.   Clitoris/Clit
5.   Vulva
6.   Labia

Shakespearian names:

1. House – an inn or abode which may house a penis (King Henry IV)
2. Case – a lawsuit which may be brought against a man for taking a woman other than his wife to bed (King Henry IV)
3. Pie-corner – a famous corner in London for prostitution;  both ‘pie’ and ‘corner’ were both slang terms for ‘whore’ or ‘vagina’ (King Henry IV)
4. Porridge - mimicking the sensation of a vagina (All’s Well That Ends Well)
5. French withered pear – old fruits/syphilitic vagina (All’s Well That Ends Well)
6. Coffer – a box for holding valuables, which includes a man’s crown jewels/penis

Historical Names:

1. Belle-chose (1386) – French for “pretty thing.”
2. Altar of Venus (1584)
3. Netherlands (1591)
4. Placket-lace (1593)
5. Phoenix nest (1618)
6. Nature’s treasury (1635)
7. Contra punctum (1653)
   
8. Privy-counsel (1664)
9. Aphrodisiacal tennis court (1665)
10. Lady’s low toupee (1721)
11. Mount Pleasant (1748)
12. Petticoat Lane (1790)
13. Venerable monosyllable (1796)
14. Fancy Article (1822)
15. Mrs. Fubbs’ parlor (1823)
16. Antipodes (1832)
17. Thatched cottage (1835)
18. Cyprian fountain (1846)
19. Road to Christening (1903)

Sexy / Erotic Slang Names:

1. Pink Pearl
2. Mount of her arousal
3. Canal
4. Flower
5. Nub
6. Slit
7. Between her legs
8. Her core
9. Groin
10. Bud
11. Her center
12. Pool of moisture
13. Junction of her thighs
14. Apex
15. Folds
16. Her essence
17. Crease
18. Heart of her femininity
19. Sheath
20. Mons
21. Her sex
22. Yoni
23. Mound
24. Her entrance
25. Wet curls
26. Triangular patch
27. Fragrant curls
28. Scabbard

Raunchy / Funny Names:

1.   Beaver
2.   Cooter
3.   Fish Lips
4.   Taco
5.   Camel Toe
6.   Muff
7.   Garage/Penis garage
8.   Love button
9.   Vajayjay/JJ
10.  Fuck hole
11.  Penis glove
12.  Cock sock
13.  Cock pocket
14.  Cum dumpster
15.  Deep Socket
16.  Sperm bottle
17.  Bajingo
18.  Goop chute
19.  Pooter/Poon/Poontang
20.  Quim
21.  Trim
    
22.  Cookie
23.  Punani
24.  Cooch
25.  Tunnel of love
26.  Vertical Bacon Sandwich
27.  Bearded Clam
28.  Nookie
29.  Catfish
30.  Minge
31.  Snapper
32.  Fuzzbox
33.  Meat Curtains
34.  Cum craver
35.  Cock squeezer
36.  Flesh cavern
37.  Whisker Biscuit
38.  Kitty
39.  Cupcake
40.  Coin purse
41.  Lady flower
42.  Gash
43.  Banana basket
44.  Flowerpot
45.  Juice box
46.  Pink Panther
47.  Hot pocket
48.  Bikini Bizkit
49.  Penis fly trap
50.  Vertical smile
51.  Dew Flaps
52.  Flaming Lips
53.  Puff pillow
54.  Notorious V.A.G.
55.  Furburger
56.  Sausage wallet
57.  Panty hamster
58.  Pink taco
59.  Axe wound/Hatchet Wound
60.  Love rug
61.  Catfish
62.  The death of Adam
63.  Her asshole neighbor
64.  Pandora’s box
65.  Dinner roll
66.  Silk Igloo
67.  Red lane
68.  Spasm chasm
69.  Sweetbriar
70.  Bacon hole
71.  Golden Palace
72.  Scrambled eggs between the legs
73.  Fish mitten
74.  Holiest of Holies
75.  Furry furnace
76.  Cockpit
77.  Tuna town
78.  Black hole
    
79.  Deer hoof
80.  Golden arches
81.  Rooster jaws
82.  Mule nose
83.  Home plate
84.  Flesh tuxedo
85.  Rosebud
86.  Cupid’s cupboard
87.  Breakfast of champions
88.  Sugar hole
89.  Dinner roll
90.  Apple pie
91.  Cream canal
92.  Conch shell
93.  Tongue roll
94.  Bunny tuft
95.  Fruit cup
96.  Fly catcher
97.  Toolshed
98.  Snake charmer
99.  Python syphon
100.  Horn of Plenty

International Names:

1. Pupusa – (El Salvador) Salvadoran specialty of a cheese-filled tortilla
2. Sapo – (Chile) toad
3. Papaya - (Cuba) cut open a papaya fruit; you’ll know what it looks like
4. Pepita - (Mexico) seed
5. Arepa – a corn-patty sandwich filled with meats and cheeses
6. Alançia - (Venezuela) piggy bank; place to keep money
7. Tostón - (Puerto Rico) a roasted and split plantain fruit; or, a roasted suckling pig
8. Moule - (France) a mussel shell
9. Utsuk - (Greenland) a rare species of seal
10. Schwöbli - (Switzerland) a bun or pastry that resembles a vagina
11. Mus - (Sweden) mouse or rodent
12. Dooz - (the Netherlands) a box, simply; what you would expect from a country whose very name is a euphemism for vagina
13. Cipka – (Poland) a baby chicken or chick
14. Pizza - (Serbia) a pide is an Eastern European and Turkish rendition of a pizza; it more closely resembles a vagina due to its folded crusts
15. Bicho - (Nicaragua) an unwanted pest or bug
16. Cotorra - (Uruguay) parrot or a very loud person
17. Katori - (India) a small bowl or cup for drinking water/soup
18. Tako - (Japan) octopus
19. Tanima no yuri - (Japan) Lily of the valley: a delicate white flower
20. Papa - (Spain) slang for two chins on an overweight person

It’s impossible to pick just one favorite, but here are some top contestants:

• Cunt: All and out the most phonetically pleasing and politically charged.
• French withered pear: Leave it to the French to have a special phrase for old diseased vaginas.
• Aphrodisiacal tennis court: What does this even mean?!